you never tried to hide things from me (wish you would’ve).
it’s cold out, now, again. i think that’s what triggered this.
this here. corneal flops flutter through, i cough then blink and forget the last seven
minutes of luster-existence. it’s memory. and this cold air.
one of the voices said nostalgia may very well break
me in half. i had no reply.
i thought that, maybe, if i got rid of you, maybe, i’d expel whichever synapses you
inhabit. shut ‘em off. i mean, seriously zap those fucking things.
didn’t work so easily. yer still there in the corners. buzz-ing every so often. i try now
and then to slip away from it. stuck in revolving doors. slip away from nothing
these days.
can’t help but understand that i’m right. it’s persistent in a stinging sort of
way. not right about everything, certainly, just most ‘bout you. ‘bout
how wrong you are. were. i mean were.
recently i’m half right and about thirty five percent wrong. mostly in sickness.
which doesn’t really seem to go away.
back to the shadows i realize you did hide just one thing. nature. y’r nature. not
nature nature, naturally. i hadn’t any idea.
i haven’t any idea now what it is you are.
never did.
i lost everything i might’ve imagined important.
this glue’s still stuck on bottom of my shoes. i can’t really move so well. really.
i think maybe i’m dead. really. really dead. maybe.
it comes on so hard.
unraveled. maybe raveled backwards. us. in use and disuse. that is, i’ve got
no use for you. not unless i want to hurt and spit blood. then i guess i’ll call
you up.
i’m sitt-ing. rewinding string and tape. cover up some of this (some of me).
where us disintegrated and revealed ghastly infected wounds.
and a laugh infectious like virus’ equally detrimental.
if i hear aNYthing it’d better be sweet. haven’t anymore needles to stuff in
these ears. i gave up listen-ing to you and started drawing flowers.
they don’t look so nice, maybe. definitely.
doesn’t matter doesn’t matter none of this matters
yer gone i don’t think that matters so much either
i’ll feel so much healthier when this dries
maybe i’ll be healthier
maybe i’ll break clean in half to morrow morning/
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